


Control is an Illusion

by reylatek



Category: Impact Wrestling | Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, Professional Wrestling
Genre: Angst, Breaking Up & Making Up, Drugs, Kayfabe Compliant, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Unhealthy Behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23130358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reylatek/pseuds/reylatek
Summary: Jake is tired of his problems and oVe's negativity. He starts taking pills and becomes friends with the Rascalz. His life is great, and he is happy - so happy that it is unbearable for him...
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sami Callihan | Solomon Crowe/Jake Crist





	Control is an Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Mr. Robot, and it's just fiction. Please don't stop taking your medication.

After Jake had talked to Impact Management about his upcoming match, he returned to the locker room. Sami was currently the only one there. He was sitting on a bench with a small orange bottle in his hands and a scowl on his face. "Since when have you been taking this shit?"

Jake's stomach clenched when he realized that it was the bottle with his pills. "Did you search my bag?!"

"I was actually looking for knee pads when I found these," Sami explained.

"First of all, stop stealing my knee pads. I already bought you three pairs. What the fuck are you doing with them?"

Sami ignored his question and continued, "I knew something was wrong. You've changed so much lately. You're cheerful and confident. You talk to others. Hell, you're even nice to people that aren't from Ohio!"

Jake stomped toward him and grabbed the bottle. "It's my medication. It helps me to feel better."

"Better?" Sami raised an eyebrow. "You've become everything we hate."

Jake couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You know what? Fuck you." He collected his things and stuffed them into his bag. "I'm so tired of your shit. For the first time in my life, I actually like the person I am. You've never wanted me to be happy. You just want everyone to be as miserable as you are. I don't need that anymore. I'm done with you, and I'm done with oVe. Goodbye," he said and left, slamming the door behind him.

He was surprised that Sami didn't follow him and didn't try to talk to him again, but he was also relieved. Since one of his friends had provided him with the pills, his mood had improved a lot. He wasn't worried, anxious or angry all the time anymore, and he was able to enjoy things.

It was Fulton who came to him a bit later that day. "What's wrong with you? You can't be serious about being done with oVe?"

"Yes, I am, and you're just as toxic as Sami. I don't want to have anything to do with any of you anymore. Please leave me alone." Jake didn't feel good about being so cold to his friend after everything they had been through together. But he was sure it was the right thing to do. He couldn't go on like he had before.

He wanted a new life with new friends, positive people. Soon he became friends with the Rascalz and started to date Wentz. They all had a lot of fun together, and for a while he learned and discovered new things.

It didn't take long, though, until every day appeared to be the same. He got up, worked out, met his friends, and sometimes they had matches. It felt like he was trapped in an endless loop of boring repetitions. He didn't experience those awful lows anymore, but there weren't any real highs either.

In his old life he had never felt comfortable around people besides Sami and his closest friends. Now that he even talked to strangers, he realized that he hadn't missed anything important. The Rascalz weren't boring, but Jake didn't like to smoke weed. So he often didn't understand what they were talking about, and he felt stupid. Sami had never made him feel stupid. He had never laughed when Jake didn't know or understand something. He had explained it to him.

No one had ever told him how exhausting it was to be happy all the time. People expected him to be _normal._ His happiness began to feel fake, and his new life seemed to choke him.

When he took a photo of his breakfast to post it on Instagram, he paused for a moment. Why was he doing this? Why would anyone care about his breakfast? This wasn't him.

Smiling at people he didn't like, talking to people who had nothing interesting to say, liking posts of friends because they probably expected him to do it, even though he didn't care about their shallow, meaningless stuff – all of that for what? Just for the sake of socializing? Sami had been right. This was everything he hated.

Nothing of it mattered, and more importantly, nothing of it made him truly happy. There was a vague emptiness inside him, which Wentz wasn't able to fill, and even when he spent time with his new friends, he started to feel lonely.

He talked to Wentz about it, and his partner hugged him and tried to cheer him up. But he would never be able to understand Jake. Sure, Wentz knew what it was like to be sad or frustrated. But he had never been to such dark places – those dark places every member of oVe knew too well.

Jake remembered the times he'd had panic attacks, and Sami had held him in his arms the entire night without asking questions or giving unsolicited advice. He missed Sami. He also missed Fulton. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Lying in bed next to his sleeping partner, he stared into the darkness and wondered if Sami thought of him too. Or had he already forgotten about Jake? Sami hadn't been on Impact for several weeks. No one seemed to know where he was or what he was doing. Was their break-up the reason for his behavior?

Jake's new life was a kingdom of bullshit, full of fakes and people who lied to themselves because they were too scared of the truth.

The members of oVe were a lot of things, but they weren't weak. They never backed down. They were ruthless and selfish, but they were also family. Yes, maybe they had built a wall to protect themselves. Jake had even worn a literal mask, but Sami had helped him to be proud of who he was. He didn't need a mask anymore, and he didn't need to pretend. People like Jake didn't belong to society, never would. Society made him sick.

* * *

At the next Impact show he searched backstage for Sami but couldn't find him. So he went to oVe's locker room, where Fulton was sitting. The big man furrowed his brows. "What do you want here?"

"Where is Sami?"

"He doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"But I need to-" Jake started.

Before he could finish the sentence, Fulton jumped up, grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the wall. "Who do you think you are? You abandoned us. You insulted us. You sleep with the enemy, and now you just come back like nothing happened?"

Jake looked at him with puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am. Please, help me."

Fulton sighed, let go of him and turned around. "You are so lucky that I'm not resentful. We all make mistakes sometimes, right? Come..."

He led Jake to a small storeroom and knocked on the door. Then he left, and Jake opened the door without waiting for an answer. When he entered the room, he inhaled sharply. It hurt him to see the former World Champion like that. Sami was sitting on a box between shelves filled with cleaning supplies and paper towels, and he stared at the laptop on his lap. Even the dim light of the flickering light bulb above him didn't hide the dark circles under his eyes as he looked up in surprise. "Why are you here? Won't your boyfriend be jealous?"

Jake shook his head. "We broke up."

"I see."

"Yeah, I also stopped taking my pills."

"Why?" Sami asked.

"Because it didn't feel right. Nothing felt right."

Sami closed his laptop and put it on the floor. "You were wrong. I want you to be happy. But I don't expect you to be. It's okay to be different. It's okay to be depressed and anxious and shy. It's okay to be sad and to cry. And sometimes you just hate everyone and everything. And that's okay too because I know that you have a good heart and you're a good person, and that's why I will always love you."

Jake's eyes widened. "You still...?"

"I've never stopped loving you, the real you."

Tears streamed down Jake's face as he was overwhelmed by his emotions. He jumped forward and hugged the other man. "I love you, Sami. I'm so sorry for everything. I've missed you so much."

"Hey, it's okay," Sami said, patting his back. "I'm here. I will always be here for you."

"Sami," Jake started while wiping his tears away, "you make me happy. No one else makes my heart beat the way you do. You're the only one who makes me feel these highs."

Sami cupped his face and smiled at him, a genuine smile. "I missed you too. I haven't been the same without you. Please never leave me again."

"I won't, I promise."


End file.
